Abandonment is a negative even frightening word. Nothing about it seems warm, fuzzy or positive. How did I get here on my path to transformation? By choice.

If we’re responsible for and capable of beginning the Alchemical Work on ourselves – and I believe we are – the first step is to identify and choose concrete steps to take. For each of the seven alchemical operations in the Emerald Tablet, there is a question and a response that can help us jump start this process.

Starting with Calcination or Ignite, the question is: What am I afraid of? It is important to ask because it’s our fear of something we may not even be aware of that holds us back, makes us uncomfortable to step out of our routines, keeps us from saying yes. Fear can become a veil that prevents us from seeing possibilities. To ignite our transformation, we need to awaken to the possibilities in our lives and acknowledging our fears is the first step in this direction. We do not need to face all of our fears at once and do not need to dispel them immediately when we do. But, acknowledging one of our fears that we know holds us back gives us the material to work with in the fire of our cauldrons.

My initial answer to the question was surrendering. This is a significant issue for me because surrendering feels like letting go or giving up. As a Capricorn, it’s the last thing I want to do. After more reflection however, I knew this was not the answer. For me, surrendering is giving up control and the lack of control seems to result in my life being unpredictable. This inability to see into my future far enough to know what’s coming is not what I’m afraid of either. I’m afraid that surrendering the ability to control and predict my future will result in my being abandoned. There I said it and acknowledge it.

Now that’s a fear that generates some energy within me to work with and I choose this fear to ignite.